Stumbled upon a question on Reddit that might as well have said:
"What the fuck is your problem Kaci?"
And as I wrote my response, and broke apart my chart a little on what felt relevant, more and more came together as I typed. So I figured maybe sharing here could help others with similar struggles.
This isn't really about these EXACT placements, but about how these archetypical energies align and interact.
So look around and see if you do have any similar placements, or just take a look at where Neptune, Mars, Saturn, Mercury fall in your chart? Alignments? What about the signs of Aries, Capricorn, Sag, Pisces, Virgo? To me, these are the main players and energies that come to mind initially. Pluto seems to play a huge role in so much of my chart/life, a story of transformation and death/rebirth.
I hope you can fins something to relate to, but more importantly some gentler understanding of yourself and the way you were built. The plan of your purpose unfolding. Some peace with understanding you of course have struggles but also within that are strengths.
The golden treasure is in the cave you fear to enter. Be brave, be bold...
"Be you. You'll be fine." -MacMiller
🌠❤️🔥🫂
"Bro. This question called me TF out. It's crippling and devastating, but I'm growing and learning, 45 years now. Still feel like a baby learning to walk sometimes.
I have so many huge dreams and ideas and even small dreams and ideas, that come to me, and maybe even stick and turn in my mind for years and years but to take action and follow through is nearly impossible. Anxiety and uncertainty, analysis paralysis play hugely here.
*** My NEPTUNE sits in my SIXTH HOUSE of daily activity, routines, work, habits, etc...in Sagittarius...squaring my nodes.
** PLUTO (Rx) sits sextile my Neptune (in Libra/4th), and OPPOSES my MARS AND MOON, in ARIES.
This plays out as Power and Control struggles within myself (retro), my motivation, my ability to even start, or follow through. Trauma and my fears insecurities and self doubts, secrets and thoughts/beliefs that affect my sense of self and self worth/confidence. Feelings and doubts stop me before I can even sort out where to start. This is also a HUGE struggle for balance of energies at home, with family, and behind the scenes...especially internally mind/emotion/spirit/body. VERY inconsistent, up and down, all or nothing.
*I am CANCER RISING in addition to this, ruled by the MOON, and I wonder if my tendencies toward bipolar or some similar mood/energy fluctuations between cycles of very high or very low, depression/manic, etc are attached to this, especially with that Pluto opposition to Moon.
*Sun conjunct Chiron in Taurus (11th)...self worth/confidence struggles.
*SATURN Rx sits in my 3rd house Virgo, while it trines my sun, it is very difficult mentally and even energy wise. Stopping, stuck, stagnant, unable to start.
Saturn is also inconjunct my MERCURY in Aries. Working on healing My thoughts patterns, belief systems, and mental illness. My NN is there also, squared by Neptune.
*JUPITER sits at 00° in my 2nd house (Leo), with a trine to that Mercury and Venus in Aries (BIG ideas, many ideas, passions and love and desire to do and make and create and help others)...but that Jupiter is also SQUARING my SUN/Chiron... There is something that STOPS me from taking action, doing the work on my hopes and dreams, self doubt...and Instead becomes 'laziness', indulgence, procrastination. It FEELS like laziness, which in turn became a lifetime of self judgement. When in fact, it is mental illness and struggles with my Chiron wounds, and has been a very dark self perpetuating loop of wanting to do SO much, but feeling powerless or not good enough to do it.
We can also add in that my AC- CANCER RISING is strongly connected to all of this, by SQUARE to Mars, Mercury AND Venus in Aries, but a sextile to my Sun and that Saturn Rx... So to me, as painful and long and lonely as this journey has been in so many ways, it is now in midlife as my efforts in self understanding, spirituality and healing have grown, that I feel I am understanding and incorporating all aspects of myself and my personality and reaching the point where the trines and positive energy can begin to activate and flow, through the work I have put in to understand myself and ACCEPT MYSELF more fully and deeply, and release fears of what others think (the moon, Mars, Mercury, and Venus are a stellium in Aries, in the 10th, public reputation/career).
This is why I believe that my purpose is to have struggled through these inner darkness and self doubt to find healing, and that as a teacher, author, mystic, and guide I can help others find their own inner lights in the darkness, and alchemize my wounds into wisdom. I had to remember MY MAGIC and stop caring so much about what others think, or being afraid of rejection. My healing helps heal others, and so the whole.
SN in Pisces/9th helps with spiritual beliefs and gifts from past lifetimes that are now coming into remembrance and understanding/put to use. My MC is there also. However that Neptune in 6th square I think is a big part of struggling to bring this spiritual dreamer energy back down to earth and grounded into daily routine and consistent action.
I feel this is why now in my 40s I am finally getting a grip on these energies and able to step into my power and gifts more fully, after much internal healing and reprogramming of old beliefs, insecurities and wounds, that have become lifelong bad habits of AVOIDANCE and distraction, numbing.
Here are the placements I find connecting, hope it may help someone else feel less alone or flawed.
I am open to providing guidance and coaching using astrology, tarot, mental health techniques and other tools to help if you feel connected to what I've shared here and would like to connect, you're more than welcome to do so!
I appreciate any of you who read this and I'm very very open to other insights or perspectives you have!! 🌈❤️🔥🙏 Ty! #spreadlove #youarethemagic"
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